Monday, January 4, 2016

Monster Porn Monday

My monthly review of that sub-sub-sub genre of erotica ~ monster porn. 
I read them so you don't have to.
Erotica ~ Mature 18+


*Book source ~ Kindle Unlimited
Series ~ Cuckold Tells All
Author ~ Dex O'Donald
Publisher ~ Dex O'Donald
Published ~ 18 November 2015
Pages ~ 17

My Rating ~ 2 bites and a nibble

Thomas is hired by Mr. Nomed and is told to travel to New Orleans and take his wife Felice with him. Even though there’s something very strange about his new employer Thomas can’t afford to pass up this job, so he follows Mr. Nomed’s orders.

Poor Thomas. If he knew what he was getting into would he still have followed blindly? Mr. Nomed is not what he seems. He’s not even human and his name gives it away. Felice seems happy with the situation. Very happy. This isn’t horribly written, but it’s really short and a little bit tame compared to most monster porn. Ha! I said tame monster porn. Gotta like the cuckold though. I might check out more of this author’s books.


*Book source ~ Kindle Unlimited
Series ~ City of Monsters, #1
Author ~ Angel Winter
Publisher ~ Angel Winter
Published ~ 18 November 2015
Pages ~ 38

My Rating ~ 3 bites

A mysterious laboratory accident, monsters making the streets unsafe after nightfall and a dumbass virgin walking home long after sunset. You see where this is headed, right?

Ok, first off, I cannot just let this one tidbit go: it starts at 6% and ends at 51%. Seriously. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Do not do this to readers. Ever.  Also, that cover. What the fuck is she wearing? Tara The Dumbass Virgin (henceforth referred to as DV) is not wearing anything like this and the author’s name is not visible. Bad cover. I like the tentacles though.

Nearly everything about this story is asinine. The only redeeming feature is…tentacles! Sweet, sweet tentacles. Tentacles are like the ultimate monster porn appendage. They’re so damn versatile! And flexible! And plentiful! Unless you really suck as a writer, you can’t go wrong with throwing some tentacles in there. On the other hand, virgins who have their hymen so far inside them they’re practically choking on it is a huge no-no. Please take Anatomy of Female Genitalia 101. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

DV’s asshole boss makes her work late even though it is common knowledge that the streets are unsafe after dark. Instead of telling her boss to go fuck himself or threaten a lawsuit for having to work past dark, DV works late and then, instead of taking a taxi home, she walks the 20 minutes to her place. In the dark on unsafe streets. Then seems surprised when she’s accosted by a monster who wants to deflower her and get her preggers. Omfg! I’m done. Just die already. But she won’t because the monster wants her to breed his spawn. *sigh* Moving on.


*Book source ~ Kindle Unlimited
Author ~ Eden Redd
Publisher ~ Eden Redd
Published ~ 16 July 2015
Pages ~ 71

My Rating ~ 4 bites

This is a collection of three Teddy Bare stories; Teddy Bare, Stuffed and Plush Party. Each one can be read individually or in this boxed set. I recommend the boxed set because then you get the full-bodied furry flavor.

The stories follow Julie and her sexy older neighbor, Jacob. Jacob has a hobby and it’s called dark magic. He used it to create a buddy out of a teddy bear. The bear’s name is Spike. As a Buffy fan, that is just so wrong. The visuals in my head short-circuited every time Spike was on page. lol Anyway, Julie finds out about Spike the very wicked bear and then Jacob catches Spike giving Julie a high hard one. This is definitely a different kind of monster porn since a teddy bear isn’t really a monster, but it’s pretty hot. I know I will never look at stuffed animals the same again. Especially since book 2 has Spike creating two friends, a bunny named Eggs and a dragon named Drag. Between Jacob and the stuffed hornies, poor Julie is fucked nearly into exhaustion, so in book 3 she creates Yuki the unicorn to add to their strange family and give her a break. Well-written and imaginative, I’d recommend this boxed set unless you want to preserve your view of stuffed animals as only cute and cuddly and not horned up animate beings with BDSM tendencies and a penchant for orgies.


16 comments:

  1. Lol idk where to start! The tentacles or teddy bears? I've read some tentacle monster Porn and I must agree tentacles are pretty hard to mess up :) Teddy Bears on the other hand. Hmmm... Oh and hymen that she's practically choking on! OMG you crack me up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad I make you laugh. :D And tentacles...mmmmm... ;)

      Delete
  2. LOL I am so glad you read the Teddy Bare! I really didn't want to have just read that by myself lol. I have to say she did an amazing job of telling that story with those plushies...she was EXTREMELY creative! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely creative. Most definitely. LOLOL Anytime you want me to read some monster porn so that you're not the only one to read it, just let me know. I'm always game for monster porn. Wait...

      Delete
  3. I've never read monster porn. I've read a few aliens that had some not so human parts. I might be willing to try it. It would have to be a story that is well written though. I'll be stalking you to see if I find something that jumps out at me.

    Question, the book that ended at 51%, what was in the last half of the book? Another story or some sort of filler?

    Melanie @ Hot Listens & Rabid Reads

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's hit or miss. I hope you find one you want to give a try. :)

      The rest of the books was just exerpts and stuff. Not my thing and really quite a cheat.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Glad I'm entertaining. Some days I wonder. lol

      Delete
  5. This was funny!! Teddy Bare reminds me of a CSI Las Vegas episode where a case includes a group of people that wear animal costumes during sex. This post brightened up my day!! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I remember that episode. It was my first experience in the world of kink. I was like, really? Who knew?! I've moved so far beyond that now. Ah, those days of innocence. LOL Glad to be of service. :)

      Delete
  6. Well, these definitely look "interesting!" :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting is definitely a good way to describe them. lol

      Delete
  7. Magical bears or tentacles..how will a girl ever decide!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why must there be an either/or? Magical bears and tentacles for everyone! lolol

      Delete
  8. I...don't think I can read the teddy bear ones. Some things need to stay innocent. Now the tentacles....:D

    The book that ended at 51%?? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I did a ranty post about that a few years ago. These days I'm starting to see more descriptions that warn you the book contains extras and one publisher, Samhain, always put excerpts from other books at the back of their books so you never get 100%; usually the book ends around 90% so they can squeeze in the excerpts. Makes me cranky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This new trend has got to stop. Seriously. I don't mind a 95% book, but below that is just douchey. And rude.

      I will convert you to the furries one of these days. hehehehe

      Delete